Monday, August 29, 2011
Sweating the small stuff
Yesterday was stressful. It took me all day just to organize my scrapbook area. I couldn't decide where I wanted certain items to go and I got so overwhelmed I went into my bathroom and cried. I just felt like I couldn't do anything right. Not even rearranging a stupid craft area. How ridiculous is that? And it didn't help that it was like an oven in here. I still feel upset at myself for overthinking everything. Why can't I be normal? What the hell is normal anyway? I eventually figured it out and got the scrapbook area done to my liking- for now. I still have to texture and paint and put pictures up. But the furniture and supplies are functional and I have an outlet that will hopefully stave off my next emotional flare-up.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Done with Daycare
This is my last month as a childcare provider. I've been doing this for 3 years solid. I am exhausted. I feel like an old woman. I am overweight and I can never seem to catch up on housework. But things are going to change. I'm going to clean the house top to bottom. I'm gonna work out, and go see friends, and I am going to take classes at the community college. I think my husband is worried about money but he's more woried about what this line of work is doing to me. I am having a hard time controlling the bi-polar mood swings. My head is always full. My brain never turns off. It's so stressful being in charge of someone else's child 10 hours a day, 5 days a week. And the pay sucks. I never get paid enough for what I do. So I am done.
On the other hand, my head is full of the pros and cons. I am elated yet heartbroken. I love my daycare kids so much.I will miss the stories. And the hugs and kisses. And the one-of-a-kind works of art that are always posted on my fridge. friday was the last day for my six and three year olds. I have had them for two years. I can't cry. Hurts too deep. I know them like my own children. I have the one baby left. She is 6 months old and I've had her since she was 6 weeks. I know her as well as her own mother does. I will miss making her giggle and I will regret not being able to cuddle with her every day. But in the end, I know this is the right decision. I just didn't know it would be such a tough one.
On the other hand, my head is full of the pros and cons. I am elated yet heartbroken. I love my daycare kids so much.I will miss the stories. And the hugs and kisses. And the one-of-a-kind works of art that are always posted on my fridge. friday was the last day for my six and three year olds. I have had them for two years. I can't cry. Hurts too deep. I know them like my own children. I have the one baby left. She is 6 months old and I've had her since she was 6 weeks. I know her as well as her own mother does. I will miss making her giggle and I will regret not being able to cuddle with her every day. But in the end, I know this is the right decision. I just didn't know it would be such a tough one.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Family
I feel so blessed to have found this site.It's a great venue for creative expression.We all need an outlet- Somewhere to breathe in and gain perspective. This is what i hope to achieve here. I love to write, though I rarely take time to indulge that hobby. So I have decided I've waited long enough.
I am using this blog to express myself and find the better me. And, as a tired- often cranky- housewife and mom I figured I should start with family as my first topic because it's the most important thing to me. I won't lie- they drive me crazy. But I love them and they keep me grounded.
However,that being said,I do feel its important to vent. Take this week for instance. It's my husband's vacation. We had plans. Good ones. They went like this: go camping on the coast, have fun, eat food, and make memories with the fam. come home, clean house, and make way for a nice visit with the Father-in-law.
Here's what happened: no hot water, no electric. wind blowing campfire smoke in my face ALL weekend. A cousin gets mad. leaves. takes food. buy more food. weather sucks. drive home at midight. fall asleep holding husbands pop. pop spills. Change clothes in parking lot of small town store, and cop drives by. Breathe sigh of relief that cop doesn't see me. get home, sleep in and waste the day instead of preparing for visit from father in law. Karma shows her humorous side and has him show up early. He then has the audacity to act like a guest and makes himself comfortable in MY chair. So not only do I have to put up with his repeat storytelling, (how many times could you hear about a brawl involving two 80 year olds and a reserved table at McDonalds?) I have to spray my chair with Glade to rid it of old man stinkies.
But Through all the negative that's happened this week something good appeared. My realization that even though things didn't go anywhere near planned,we actually had a good time- my kids raved about the great time they had playing on the dunes, my husband got to know my cousins, and they found so much in common that they've made plans to hang out this weekend. while I focused on the minute negatives, my family persevered and saw a great experience. And as far as the father in law..he raved about my dinner tonight. maybe i'll let him sit in my chair tomorrow. for a little while...
I am using this blog to express myself and find the better me. And, as a tired- often cranky- housewife and mom I figured I should start with family as my first topic because it's the most important thing to me. I won't lie- they drive me crazy. But I love them and they keep me grounded.
However,that being said,I do feel its important to vent. Take this week for instance. It's my husband's vacation. We had plans. Good ones. They went like this: go camping on the coast, have fun, eat food, and make memories with the fam. come home, clean house, and make way for a nice visit with the Father-in-law.
Here's what happened: no hot water, no electric. wind blowing campfire smoke in my face ALL weekend. A cousin gets mad. leaves. takes food. buy more food. weather sucks. drive home at midight. fall asleep holding husbands pop. pop spills. Change clothes in parking lot of small town store, and cop drives by. Breathe sigh of relief that cop doesn't see me. get home, sleep in and waste the day instead of preparing for visit from father in law. Karma shows her humorous side and has him show up early. He then has the audacity to act like a guest and makes himself comfortable in MY chair. So not only do I have to put up with his repeat storytelling, (how many times could you hear about a brawl involving two 80 year olds and a reserved table at McDonalds?) I have to spray my chair with Glade to rid it of old man stinkies.
But Through all the negative that's happened this week something good appeared. My realization that even though things didn't go anywhere near planned,we actually had a good time- my kids raved about the great time they had playing on the dunes, my husband got to know my cousins, and they found so much in common that they've made plans to hang out this weekend. while I focused on the minute negatives, my family persevered and saw a great experience. And as far as the father in law..he raved about my dinner tonight. maybe i'll let him sit in my chair tomorrow. for a little while...
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