Sweating the small stuff

Yesterday was stressful. It took me all day just to organize my scrapbook area. I couldn't decide where I wanted certain items to go and I got so overwhelmed I went into my bathroom and cried. I just felt like I couldn't do anything right. Not even rearranging a stupid craft area. How ridiculous is that? And it didn't help that it was like an oven in here. I still feel upset at myself for overthinking everything. Why can't I be normal? What the hell is normal anyway? I eventually figured it out and got the scrapbook area done to my liking- for now. I still have to texture and paint and put pictures up. But the furniture and supplies are functional and I have an outlet that will hopefully stave off my next emotional flare-up.

Done with Daycare

This is my last month as a childcare provider. I've been doing this for 3 years solid. I am exhausted. I feel like an old woman. I am overweight and I can never seem to catch up on housework. But things are going to change. I'm going to clean the house top to bottom. I'm gonna work out, and go see friends, and I am going to take classes at the community college. I think my husband is worried about money but he's more woried about what this line of work is doing to me. I am having a hard time controlling the bi-polar mood swings. My head is always full. My brain never turns off. It's so stressful being in charge of someone else's child 10 hours a day, 5 days a week. And the pay sucks. I never get paid enough for what I do. So I am done.

On the other hand, my head is full of the pros and cons. I am elated yet heartbroken. I love my daycare kids so much.I will miss the stories. And the hugs and kisses. And the one-of-a-kind works of art that are always posted on my fridge. friday was the last day for my six and three year olds. I have had them for two years. I can't cry. Hurts too deep. I know them like my own children. I have the one baby left. She is 6 months old and I've had her since she was 6 weeks. I know her as well as her own mother does. I will miss making her giggle and I will regret not being able to cuddle with her every day. But in the end, I know this is the right decision. I just didn't know it would be such a tough one.